Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me

Today I turn 50 years old!!

I am very excited to get to turn 50! Part of the reason for that is: on Oct 15 of 2002, I attempted suicide. 

I was in such a dark place. I was out of the anti-depressants I had been taking for years, I was emotionally miserable and the voices in my head told me that life was too hard, would never get better or easier and that those I loved would be better off without me. Fortunately the person I was with at that time woke up 10 minutes later and knew I had done something, so took me to the hospital. The next day I had anti-depressants which helped some, but I was still very unhappy. I tried many things over the next few years to get happy, including prescription and illegal drugs, change of environment, change of relationships, but nothing really helped.

Then in March of 2006 I admitted myself to the local psychiatric hospital because I was having suicidal thoughts again. I stayed there for 10 days and got on some medications, but when I was discharged I went right back to my same lifestyle. There is no anti-depressant made that will counteract the come down from meth!! So I was still having massive up and downs. But fortunately God intervened soon after that!!

Today, my life is amazing!! I am happy! I am content! I like myself and I love my life! I have been clean for over 10 years, have worked the 12 steps multiple times, I have a wonderful relationship with Heavenly Father and many great relationships with family and friends!

Today I wouldn’t trade my life for anything!

So you can see why I am very happy to be turning 50!!



The story of me 3.11

I know that a few of my hobbies are the same as my mom and maternal grandmother.

My mom taught me how to sew, to crochet and to knit. I know that my maternal grandmother also knit and crocheted and she probably sewed.

My mom started playing video games when I wad 16. She started with an Atari and moved to Nintendo, then a Sega Genesis then to Super Nintendo before she died. She loved playing video games! I to am a gamer. I play RPGs. I mostly play MMORPGs and I play Pathfinder most Friday nights. If my mom was still alive, I’m pretty sure she would be playing them too.

I hope everyone has a great day!!


The story of me 3.4

My very first job was at Western Arkansas Employment Development Agency. That was the office that administered JTPA in our area. JTPA (the Job Training Partnership xAct) was federally subsidized job training. I started there as a JTPA participant in March of 1984, just a couple of weeks before my 17th birthday. 

I learned clerical skills, data entry and word processing skills. A year later when I quit school and had to end my time as a participant, they hired me on as a staff member. I was very blessed to have that job. 

I did not leave WAEDA until 1989 when my son was born premature and could not go to daycare because he had an apnea monitor the first 6 months of his life.

After my daughter was born in June of 1990 and I decided to be a nurse, it was WAEDA and JTPA that paid for my LPN school.

I learned many great things at that first job. I not only learned clerical and computer skills, word processing,  I learned phone skills, motivational skills, interpersonal skills, how to be a supervisor, to praise in public and counsel in private. I even began learnig how to teach others there. I learned so many things that have served me well in every job and my life since that time.

I hope everyone has a Blessed Sunday!!


The story of me 3.2

I remember at about 5 years old wanting to be a nurse when I grew up.

Over the next few years as I mentioned that multiple times, my dad told me that I was smart enougj to be a doctor. He stated that nurses take orders from doctors and I should become a doctor.So, I changed my mind and planned on being a doctor.

That dream lasted until high school. By the time I was a senior in high school, I was sick of school. I went to work in the clerical field.

After I had my 2nd child I realized that I couldn’t pay for child care for 2 kids on a secretaries salary. So, I remembered my original dream of being a nurse. I checked in to local vocational training and financing. I startef LPN school when my youngest child was 6 months old.

I graduated from LPN school at the top of my class in December of 1991. I went to work as an LPN at a local physical rehabilitation hospital in January of 1992. I loved it. 

I worked there until March of 1996 when my fibro symptoms started. I did not renew my LPN license in 1997 due to my fibro.

I was only able to work as a nurse for 5 years, but it was a dream come and I will never regret it.


The story of me 2.13

The story of me 2.13

The qualities that I admire most have changed over the years. When I was younger I thought I wanted my friends to be a duplicate of me. If we didn’t agree, or if they didn’t have the sames values, I thought we couldn’t be friends. I have grown over the years.

Today I value kindness, unconditional love and honesty.

I am a lot less judgemental today and don’t try to cotrol my friends or choose friends who are a copy of me.

The Story of Me week 7


I didn’t have a lot of friends as a child. We moved around a lot, so I was not able to cultivate many long friendships.

We moved to Arkansas when I was 14, and I have mostly been around Fort Smith and Van Buren since that time. I do still have pretty regular contact with one of the girls that I went to Seminary with back when I was 14. It is nice to be able to say that I have had a friend that long. She is always the friend I tag on Facebook as the the “friend” that I have known longest in real life (other than family of course).

My best friend is my husband. We have been married for over 31 years. We have had our share of problems, and there was a few years that we were separated and I did not want to be married to him anymore. But, after I got clean and worked a few steps, I got rid of all of the anger I had toward him and was able to see the love again. We have had a really great last 10 years of married life. He knows me better than probably anyone. I know him pretty well too. One of the best things about our relationship now versus our relationship before I worked steps is that I feel comfortable telling him anything. Before the discomfort was not with ‘him’, it was my own insecurity and not believing I was worth loving. It is really nice to be able to tell him all my stuff and trust that he still loves me!!

I have a really good friend that I have known for about 10 years now. I trust her with all of my stuff. I can tell her anything and she will not judge me. She helps me find my way to my solutions. We did not start out as friends, this relationship has taken lots of work, but it sure has been worth it. I sure do love my Brandi!! I hope to always be friends with her!

I am friends with my remaining blood sister. We get along and we talk. There is 15 years difference in our ages and when our mom died I stepped into the parental role. I made many mistakes in our relationship over the years. I have done a lot better in the last 10 since I worked steps and have been able to mostly stop trying to be her mom and tell her what to do and how to live her life. I really enjoy just being her sister. We just don’t enjoy the same things too much. Also we are not at the same places in our lives and that is ok.

I was pretty good friends as one time with my sister Debbie. We were only 2 years apart in age. Once we grew up and mostly quit fighting, we did a lot together. Our son’s were born 10 days apart and they grew up together. There were many, many Friday and Saturday nights that we spent hours at her house all of us playing cards or watching TV or just chatting. That all changed not long after Mom died. A lot of things in our life changed within a few years of Mom dying. But I will always treasure those memories and I will also treasure the talks that her and I had in the past 8 years or so!

I am  still practicing being a good friend and I hope to continue making more friends for many years to come.







The Story of Me m2.1

Do you know the story of how your parents met and fell in love?

I have been told parts of the story all of my life, both by my mother and father, some bits I have learned as an adult.

My parents met at an LDS Stake youth Thanksgiving dance in Fort Smith Arkansas in 1965. Not such a big thing except that my dad was raised in Tucson. My paternal grandparents moved their family from Tucson to Fort Smith in 1966 and only stayed for 6 months. That’s all. My dad always said that the only reason they came to Arkansas was so he could meet my mother!

They met at that Thanksgiving dance. I learned later that when my mom saw my dad she told her girl friends that she had dibs on him. Apparently he was tall enough that she could wear heals and he would still be taller than her. We learned this tidbit later from her best friend after mom died. Apparently my dad asked my mom to dance and that was all that was necessary. Because when his parents went back to Arizona a couple of months later he stayed (to take care of moving everything else back to AZ). My parents were married the next April 22.

They were married until my mother died on June 28, 1995. My father has not remarried. My mother was my father’s best friend, and he was her’s.

My dad use to do great loving things for my mom, a lot. He would bring her flowers, often. She use to always joke that if she even verbalized that she needed to lose weight, dad went out and bought her chocolates. My dad was always holding her hand, or telling her he loved her. I had to learn as an adult that people show love in many different ways. I was a bit disappointed in my early married life that my husband didn’t get me flowers or hold my hand a lot, and the fact that he had a best friend that wasn’t me nearly broke my heart. I have learned that people love in different ways! My dad showed his love for my mom in his way, which was great, and my husband shows his love for me in his way, which is amazing. Realizing that there is no “cookie cutter” mold for showing love has been one of the best lessons I have ever ┬álearned.

By the way, my husband and I have been married since August, 9, 1985. We have had our struggles and were separated once for over 6 years, but we never got divorced. We have both grown and worked to make our marriage a wonderful place to be today!!